Faith From 9 to 5

Attention: The world does not revolve around you

I just hung up with someone who told me she stopped coming to meetings of the networking group I belong to because people don't believe she's a "real" business person (she has a swing band) and didn't support her. She said she gave out free tickets to an event and no one came to see her.

I said I was sorry she felt people didn't respect her efforts but I didn't believe it was true that people don't believe she has a real business. I also pointed out that people are incredibly busy and even if they receive free tickets to an event they have to choose among a huge number of "must do's".

One of my former bosses was famous for saying "perception is reality" and "there's 3 sides to every situation...yours, mine, and the truth -- which is somewhere in the middle." He was dead on with both statements.

It can be very easy for us to believe our version of reality is in fact the truth. Our brain's naturally function that way. Our brain believes we're the most important person in the world and what we think and believe is normal, rational, and ideal. So if someone does something we believe is the opposite to what we would do in that same situation they must be odd or whatever adjective you care to use. That's because WE'RE not odd and we would have done something different.

This version of judging people and situations is how the brain works and how it makes sense of the various things we see and experience during any given day.

Before you rush to judgment about others stop to think about things from their perspective. What are all the reasons they would have acted the way they did? If you're only coming up with negative reasons stop and ask yourself for positive ones.

This may shock you but no one wakes up in the morning dreaming of ways to annoy you, hurt you, or drive you crazy. Some days that's harder to believe than others but it's true.

We're all simply trying to get our needs met. And sometimes we're a little more self-centered about it than others.

Instead, try thinking the best of people. Try starting off with assuming they never meant to hurt you, anger you, or upset you. For example, instead of assuming the person who walked by without saying hello was snubbing you, assume they were preoccupied and didn't see you. Afterall, haven't YOU been so preoccupied you didn't see someone?

When I was in the corporate universe someone complained to me about being "ignored" by a new VP who happened to by my husband's new boss. The employee went on and on about what a disgrace it was this person couldn't be bothered to say hello to a regular employee and how this VP would find it hard to lead a division of people when line employees weren't following him.

I asked the employee where this insult had taken place. He told me. It was in the noisiest area of the building. I asked him which direction they each were traveling in. He told me. It was on the new VP's deaf side.

I pointed this out to him and he said "gee, I didn't know that."

My point exactly.

There's lots about other people we don't know and yet we leap to conclusions and judgments about them.

And yet, as Christ so well pointed out how can we point out the splinter in somone's eye when we have a PLANK sticking out of our own?

Forgiving -- the real challenge of living our Christian faith

Michael Vick is scheduled to play in a preseason game tonight with his new team, the Philadelphia Eagles. I'm not a fan of pro sports in general but I have to admit I'll probably be watching tonight. Not to see Vick so much as to see the reaction of the Philadelphia fans. 

Eagles fans are legendary for being among the...shall we say...boisterous?

They booed Santa in the 1960s for Pete's Sake.

Vick of course was with the Atlanta Falcons when he was arrested and convicted of a huge dog fighting operation and admitted abusing and killing dogs that didn't win.

He has since been released and is working with the Humane Society of the United States to help educate young people that what he did was wrong and animals are meant to be cared for.

From what I've seen on television since his signing with the Eagles, some people are having a very hard time getting past what he did.

Some even feel he should still be in prison.

It makes me sad to think of the animals he treated so badly. I can't bear to look at the photos of tortured dogs (or any other animal for that matter).

But for Christians, forgiveness is a foundational tenet of the faith. Without it we have no hope.

We regularly pray to God to "forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us". Christ's message was one of love and forgiveness. 

How can we then, NOT forgive Michael Vick?

Is there any among us who hasn't made a mistake and exercised poor judgment? Haven't we all had a set of beliefs we later came to realize was wrong?

I have to believe Michael Vick is sincere in his repentance and will work hard to become a good role model for young people. 

And yes, I believe that simply because he said so. Isn't that what we ask of others? Isn't it what we ask of the Lord? 

Can you forgive Michael Vick?

Like many people I was surprised to hear the Philadelphia Eagles had signed Michael Vick after being out of prison for 3 months. I was sure he WOULD end up being signed but I thought it would take more time for it to happen.

I'm an animal lover and I was horrified when I read the news of the dogfighting ring that Vick ran. I tried to look at the pictures that accompanied the stories when they were first released but couldn't bring myself to. Hurting animals is just something I can't process. I'll never understand the mindset of someone who does that or who condones it.

People are angry that the Eagles have signed Vick. Some are angry because they feel he hasn't been punished enough. But he served his time in jail and has been released. He's supposed to be working with the national Humane Society to help spread the word that dogfighting is wrong.

I saw a few clips over the weekend that showed angry football fans and animal lovers who said they couldn't forgive Vick for what he'd done. It made me wonder how many of those people are Christians.

Love and forgiveness are the core elements of our faith.  Christ tells his disciples in Mark 11:25-26 that if they are praying and realize they have something against someone they're to forgive that person. We must forgive others if we're to ask forgiveness from God.

Yes, Michael Vick's behavior was outrageous. Yes, he deserved to be punished. Now that he has been and has told the world he's remorseful and realizes what he did was wrong we must believe him. We make a similar request of God every time we repent and return to Him.

If we don't believe in redemption and in rehabilitation then no one who goes to jail for anything should ever be let out.

Christ also told us the 2nd greatest commandment was to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. That includes Michael Vick. We must do the work within ourselves to forgive him, and If we call ourselves Christians we must work towards forgiving our neighbors. This is probably our greatest challenge as people of faith.

Who are you having trouble forgiving and what can you do to move towards forgiveness?

Stop snapping at people online or off

Do you contribute to blogs (rather than just reading them?) or forums? Do post or respond to the posts of others? I do occassionally and am trying to build more of a presence online in my business.

Last week I posted a question on 2 large boards that each have several forums. I posted my question on most of the forums because I wanted to get as many responses as possible. I was as honest as I could be and told readers I was doing research for a writing project.

Many of the handful of people who responded on one board were very nice and gave me full, well thought out answers which I thanked them for.  The other board generated a couple of responses but they were snippy and sarcastic. I resisted the temptation to respond with the same snippiness and tried to further explain my question and why I was posting on the site. More snippiness.

I'm not sure I understand this behavior. Why would you respond if you don't want to genuinely answer the question? If you think the question is stupid then just don't respond to it.

I suppose there's an element of being hidden that makes people feel comfortable acting out online.

I know that when I was in my early 20's I had a tendency to say the first thing that popped into my head.  I would make some smart-mouthed comment or rather than just give the answer to a question I'd been asked I'd include all of this "editorial" content that really wasn't necessary.

I'm still not sure why I did it but it took a manager I had to point this out and help me see how it was hurting my image as a professional. He helped me see that my comments weren't helpful and weren't in line with the reputation I wanted to create.

It hurt to hear that but after I reflected on what he said I realized how right he was. I practiced two techniques I remembered from growing up and they helped me a lot. I still use them.

First was taught to me by my mother. She always said "You can think whatever you want but don't say it."  Next was a technique my public speaking professor taught us to use at various times in a speech. This was particularly helpful when trying to get rid of uh's and um's. He said just close your mouth and say it in your head. It actually worked for me and I could deliver an entire speech with no uh's.

So think about how you're responding to your coworkers and how you're responding to strangers and acquaintances online.  As the old saying goes, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

Do you listen to others or to God?

My Bible readings over the last several days have included parts of the first book of Samuel. In chapter 15, Samuel tells Saul that he (Saul) has been chosen as king of Israel and that God had a mission for him. Saul doesn't perform the mission exactly as it was given to him and when Samuel confronts him Saul tries to give a good excuse to make up for it.

Samuel doesn't buy it and Saul admits that he listened to the people "because I feared the people and obeyed their voice."

Boy, how many times has that happened to us at work? We know what's right and yet we give in to the pressure we feel from others.

This can happen when someone tells an inappropriate joke and we smile or laugh politely because we figure it's easier to "go along to get along" rather than call the person on their inappropriate behavior.

Or when as leaders who need to share some new policy we blame "them" or "management" for the change because we want to come across as our employees' friend rather than as the member of management that we are.

But being a person of faith calls us to live that faith every single minute of every single day. Dealing with the strain of being IN the world but not OF the world is part of that.  I'm not saying we're better than others -- far from it. I'm saying that we have to somehow put our faith into action while navigating our roles and relationships within this world we move in.

It's not easy.

How do you find the strength to keep the faith and put your actions in sync with your beliefs?

Are you making sacrifices or are you obeying the Lord?

One of today's scripture readings is from chapter 15 of 1 Samuel. It's where Samuel tells Saul what the Lord wants him to do and then Saul goes and does it but puts his own spin on it. When Samuel confronts him about it, Saul says he and his men kept the best animals from those that belonged to the Amalekites so they could sacrifice them to the Lord.

Samuel says "Has the Lord as great delight in burt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of he Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams."

When do we try to do something similar to what Saul did?

I think it's when we go to church but don't give to support it. Or when we go to church but don't get active in its upkeep. But most of all I think our actions are most similar to Saul's when we do all of those things and still don't act in sync with our faith every single day.

The biggest challenge we have is living in accordance with the 2 Great Commandments -- Loving the Lord with all our heart, all our mind, all our strength, and all our soul; and loving our neighbors as our selves.

We get so caught up in dealing with our financial issues, our job issues, and other problems we face and we don't treat our neighbors (particularly those we work with) with respect, kindness, and compassion (which is what the Good Samaritan showed the wounded traveler).

What can you do today to be more loving towards those you work with? And not just with those you like but with those who you really aren't too crazy about.

Giving when it hurts

This morning's New Testament reading was the beginning of Luke 21 and recounts Jesus's observation of the people making donations in the temple. The visibly rich were giving from their abundance while the poor woman gave what she had even though she didn't have much.

So many of us have been cutting back in all areas of our lives...what do we do about giving to our church or synagogue? What about the many charities that rely on our donations and support?

And then there's the spirit of giving and helping at work. I remember when threats of layoffs loomed at various places where I worked. In some places people would pull together to help each other. We'd pitch in on each others projects to make sure work got done and no one looked bad. We'd share job leads and help people with their resumes. Other places people would hunker down and focus on their own survival.

Even in good times there are people who don't give of themselves...don't share knowledge or information...don't share opinions or insight...don't volunteer to teach or help someone.

We can be very afraid to help someone advance and fearful that we'll lose our jobs or be seen as weak.

Yet I think that when we operate from a self-serving, hyper-protective place we end up doing damage to ourselves spiritually, personally, and professionally.

I think we hurt our souls when we act this way. We were meant to be social creatures and to contribute to each others lives.  I think this creates negative energy that we send out and eventually we reap what we sow. You can call this the "law of attraction", "kharma", or any one of a number of other ways to describe it.

Challenge yourself to demonstrate your belief in the concept that you should "love your neighbor as yourself" and give help, support, information, or whatever's needed to your coworkers today with no thought of what you'll receive in return. Give all this with a spirit of generosity and you'll be amazed at the rewards you'll receive.

We judge others based on what we see on the outside.

Have you watched the clip of Susan Boyle from the show Britain's Got Talent?  I was sent the clip from many people but I normally don't watch these reality shows. The clips I've seen before have always been so painful that I couldn't bring myself to watch this one. Finally enough people were talking about it that I knew I had to at least TRY to watch it.

I've watched it three times now and each time it moves me more and moves me differently.

There are several versions of this video. One is the full length (about 8 minutes) and one is just her once she's on stage.  Watch both of them. The longer one is the most moving but in both clips you can see how the audience was sure -- based on her appearance -- she would be terrible. I'm sure they were ready to laugh at her.

I have to say that, while I wasn't going to laugh at her, I was certainly skeptical (but in my defense I'm always skeptical when I see pieces of these reality shows).

The judges admitted that they were shocked and one even said she was sure the audience was against Susan.

I was embarrassed and sad to admit that was probably true for me too.

Our vision plays a strong role in how we form opinions of the world, but sometimes it forms opinions a little too fast and a little too firmly. This comes into play at work during interviews and on the job with people who we feel are attractive or unattractive, who we feel dress well or don't dress well.

And yet, as people of faith, we know that it's what's inside a person that counts most. As a corporate recruiter I've seen people who may not have been the snaziest of dressers yet who had the smarts and the work experience to be the best candidate for the job not get selected by hiring managers. And yet, our appearance plays an important role in how customers perceive us and the company we work for.

I think the challenge for us as people of faith on the job is to be aware of how easy it is for us to judge others based on what we're seeing on the outside and as much as possible taking the time to look for their inner value.

Is it hard to believe someone has changed?

  We just finished the 5th Sunday of Lent and we're heading towards what many Christian denominations refer to as "holy week." 

Lent is a time for reflection and preparation and I've been doing a lot of thinking about my personal life as well as my professional one. Let's face it, they're really supposed to fit together, aren't they?

Tonight's "evening prayer" scripture reading was John 9:18-41 where, after Jesus has given a man (who had been born blind) his site, the religious leaders still refused to believe that Jesus was sent from God. They had a hard time believing the man who regained his site was the same guy who had been blind his whole life! 

I think this reading relates to life in the office very well. We have a hard time believing that someone we know to be lazy or not good at their job suddenly started working hard or suddenly started performing well. It's like we can't believe what we're seeing, let alone what we're hearing.  

I can appreciate your being skeptical. I've often feel the same way. We've seen people perform a turnaround that hasn't lasted before. But as Christians, shouldn't we give the person the benefit of the doubt? Shouldn't we at least be happy that at that moment they performed well?

This is hard for us because of how the brain is wired. It only takes one time of anything for us to say "always" or "never". It's like the hot stove thing. It only takes touching a hot stove one time to learn our lesson and we don't touch it again. Whether the burner is red or not, we're always careful around the stove.

I think this issue gets to the very root of our faith. We ask God to forgive us and believe we're sorry for whatever sins we've committed. And He does.  Yet we humans find it hard to give someone another chance.

Just as I'm cautious around a hot stove, I'm certainly cautious around someone who's hurt me, or violated my trust, or who hasn't performed as I wanted them to in the past. I'm trying hard to become more charitable but it's very hard. I don't want to get hurt again.

What do you do to wrestle with this issue?

Is it hard to believe someone has changed?

  We just finished the 5th Sunday of Lent and we're heading towards what many Christian denominations refer to as "holy week." 

Lent is a time for reflection and preparation and I've been doing a lot of thinking about my personal life as well as my professional one. Let's face it, they're really supposed to fit together, aren't they?

Tonight's "evening prayer" scripture reading was John 9:18-41 where, after Jesus has given a man (who had been born blind) his site, the religious leaders still refused to believe that Jesus was sent from God. They had a hard time believing the man who regained his site was the same guy who had been blind his whole life! 

I think this reading relates to life in the office very well. We have a hard time believing that someone we know to be lazy or not good at their job suddenly started working hard or suddenly started performing well. It's like we can't believe what we're seeing, let alone what we're hearing.  

I can appreciate your being skeptical. I've often feel the same way. We've seen people perform a turnaround that hasn't lasted before. But as Christians, shouldn't we give the person the benefit of the doubt? Shouldn't we at least be happy that at that moment they performed well?

This is hard for us because of how the brain is wired. It only takes one time of anything for us to say "always" or "never". It's like the hot stove thing. It only takes touching a hot stove one time to learn our lesson and we don't touch it again. Whether the burner is red or not, we're always careful around the stove.

I think this issue gets to the very root of our faith. We ask God to forgive us and believe we're sorry for whatever sins we've committed. And He does.  Yet we humans find it hard to give someone another chance.

Just as I'm cautious around a hot stove, I'm certainly cautious around someone who's hurt me, or violated my trust, or who hasn't performed as I wanted them to in the past. I'm trying hard to become more charitable but it's very hard. I don't want to get hurt again.

What do you do to wrestle with this issue?