Faith From 9 to 5

Stop snapping at people online or off

Do you contribute to blogs (rather than just reading them?) or forums? Do post or respond to the posts of others? I do occassionally and am trying to build more of a presence online in my business.

Last week I posted a question on 2 large boards that each have several forums. I posted my question on most of the forums because I wanted to get as many responses as possible. I was as honest as I could be and told readers I was doing research for a writing project.

Many of the handful of people who responded on one board were very nice and gave me full, well thought out answers which I thanked them for.  The other board generated a couple of responses but they were snippy and sarcastic. I resisted the temptation to respond with the same snippiness and tried to further explain my question and why I was posting on the site. More snippiness.

I'm not sure I understand this behavior. Why would you respond if you don't want to genuinely answer the question? If you think the question is stupid then just don't respond to it.

I suppose there's an element of being hidden that makes people feel comfortable acting out online.

I know that when I was in my early 20's I had a tendency to say the first thing that popped into my head.  I would make some smart-mouthed comment or rather than just give the answer to a question I'd been asked I'd include all of this "editorial" content that really wasn't necessary.

I'm still not sure why I did it but it took a manager I had to point this out and help me see how it was hurting my image as a professional. He helped me see that my comments weren't helpful and weren't in line with the reputation I wanted to create.

It hurt to hear that but after I reflected on what he said I realized how right he was. I practiced two techniques I remembered from growing up and they helped me a lot. I still use them.

First was taught to me by my mother. She always said "You can think whatever you want but don't say it."  Next was a technique my public speaking professor taught us to use at various times in a speech. This was particularly helpful when trying to get rid of uh's and um's. He said just close your mouth and say it in your head. It actually worked for me and I could deliver an entire speech with no uh's.

So think about how you're responding to your coworkers and how you're responding to strangers and acquaintances online.  As the old saying goes, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

Do you listen to others or to God?

My Bible readings over the last several days have included parts of the first book of Samuel. In chapter 15, Samuel tells Saul that he (Saul) has been chosen as king of Israel and that God had a mission for him. Saul doesn't perform the mission exactly as it was given to him and when Samuel confronts him Saul tries to give a good excuse to make up for it.

Samuel doesn't buy it and Saul admits that he listened to the people "because I feared the people and obeyed their voice."

Boy, how many times has that happened to us at work? We know what's right and yet we give in to the pressure we feel from others.

This can happen when someone tells an inappropriate joke and we smile or laugh politely because we figure it's easier to "go along to get along" rather than call the person on their inappropriate behavior.

Or when as leaders who need to share some new policy we blame "them" or "management" for the change because we want to come across as our employees' friend rather than as the member of management that we are.

But being a person of faith calls us to live that faith every single minute of every single day. Dealing with the strain of being IN the world but not OF the world is part of that.  I'm not saying we're better than others -- far from it. I'm saying that we have to somehow put our faith into action while navigating our roles and relationships within this world we move in.

It's not easy.

How do you find the strength to keep the faith and put your actions in sync with your beliefs?

Are you making sacrifices or are you obeying the Lord?

One of today's scripture readings is from chapter 15 of 1 Samuel. It's where Samuel tells Saul what the Lord wants him to do and then Saul goes and does it but puts his own spin on it. When Samuel confronts him about it, Saul says he and his men kept the best animals from those that belonged to the Amalekites so they could sacrifice them to the Lord.

Samuel says "Has the Lord as great delight in burt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of he Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams."

When do we try to do something similar to what Saul did?

I think it's when we go to church but don't give to support it. Or when we go to church but don't get active in its upkeep. But most of all I think our actions are most similar to Saul's when we do all of those things and still don't act in sync with our faith every single day.

The biggest challenge we have is living in accordance with the 2 Great Commandments -- Loving the Lord with all our heart, all our mind, all our strength, and all our soul; and loving our neighbors as our selves.

We get so caught up in dealing with our financial issues, our job issues, and other problems we face and we don't treat our neighbors (particularly those we work with) with respect, kindness, and compassion (which is what the Good Samaritan showed the wounded traveler).

What can you do today to be more loving towards those you work with? And not just with those you like but with those who you really aren't too crazy about.

Giving when it hurts

This morning's New Testament reading was the beginning of Luke 21 and recounts Jesus's observation of the people making donations in the temple. The visibly rich were giving from their abundance while the poor woman gave what she had even though she didn't have much.

So many of us have been cutting back in all areas of our lives...what do we do about giving to our church or synagogue? What about the many charities that rely on our donations and support?

And then there's the spirit of giving and helping at work. I remember when threats of layoffs loomed at various places where I worked. In some places people would pull together to help each other. We'd pitch in on each others projects to make sure work got done and no one looked bad. We'd share job leads and help people with their resumes. Other places people would hunker down and focus on their own survival.

Even in good times there are people who don't give of themselves...don't share knowledge or information...don't share opinions or insight...don't volunteer to teach or help someone.

We can be very afraid to help someone advance and fearful that we'll lose our jobs or be seen as weak.

Yet I think that when we operate from a self-serving, hyper-protective place we end up doing damage to ourselves spiritually, personally, and professionally.

I think we hurt our souls when we act this way. We were meant to be social creatures and to contribute to each others lives.  I think this creates negative energy that we send out and eventually we reap what we sow. You can call this the "law of attraction", "kharma", or any one of a number of other ways to describe it.

Challenge yourself to demonstrate your belief in the concept that you should "love your neighbor as yourself" and give help, support, information, or whatever's needed to your coworkers today with no thought of what you'll receive in return. Give all this with a spirit of generosity and you'll be amazed at the rewards you'll receive.

We judge others based on what we see on the outside.

Have you watched the clip of Susan Boyle from the show Britain's Got Talent?  I was sent the clip from many people but I normally don't watch these reality shows. The clips I've seen before have always been so painful that I couldn't bring myself to watch this one. Finally enough people were talking about it that I knew I had to at least TRY to watch it.

I've watched it three times now and each time it moves me more and moves me differently.

There are several versions of this video. One is the full length (about 8 minutes) and one is just her once she's on stage.  Watch both of them. The longer one is the most moving but in both clips you can see how the audience was sure -- based on her appearance -- she would be terrible. I'm sure they were ready to laugh at her.

I have to say that, while I wasn't going to laugh at her, I was certainly skeptical (but in my defense I'm always skeptical when I see pieces of these reality shows).

The judges admitted that they were shocked and one even said she was sure the audience was against Susan.

I was embarrassed and sad to admit that was probably true for me too.

Our vision plays a strong role in how we form opinions of the world, but sometimes it forms opinions a little too fast and a little too firmly. This comes into play at work during interviews and on the job with people who we feel are attractive or unattractive, who we feel dress well or don't dress well.

And yet, as people of faith, we know that it's what's inside a person that counts most. As a corporate recruiter I've seen people who may not have been the snaziest of dressers yet who had the smarts and the work experience to be the best candidate for the job not get selected by hiring managers. And yet, our appearance plays an important role in how customers perceive us and the company we work for.

I think the challenge for us as people of faith on the job is to be aware of how easy it is for us to judge others based on what we're seeing on the outside and as much as possible taking the time to look for their inner value.

Is it hard to believe someone has changed?

  We just finished the 5th Sunday of Lent and we're heading towards what many Christian denominations refer to as "holy week." 

Lent is a time for reflection and preparation and I've been doing a lot of thinking about my personal life as well as my professional one. Let's face it, they're really supposed to fit together, aren't they?

Tonight's "evening prayer" scripture reading was John 9:18-41 where, after Jesus has given a man (who had been born blind) his site, the religious leaders still refused to believe that Jesus was sent from God. They had a hard time believing the man who regained his site was the same guy who had been blind his whole life! 

I think this reading relates to life in the office very well. We have a hard time believing that someone we know to be lazy or not good at their job suddenly started working hard or suddenly started performing well. It's like we can't believe what we're seeing, let alone what we're hearing.  

I can appreciate your being skeptical. I've often feel the same way. We've seen people perform a turnaround that hasn't lasted before. But as Christians, shouldn't we give the person the benefit of the doubt? Shouldn't we at least be happy that at that moment they performed well?

This is hard for us because of how the brain is wired. It only takes one time of anything for us to say "always" or "never". It's like the hot stove thing. It only takes touching a hot stove one time to learn our lesson and we don't touch it again. Whether the burner is red or not, we're always careful around the stove.

I think this issue gets to the very root of our faith. We ask God to forgive us and believe we're sorry for whatever sins we've committed. And He does.  Yet we humans find it hard to give someone another chance.

Just as I'm cautious around a hot stove, I'm certainly cautious around someone who's hurt me, or violated my trust, or who hasn't performed as I wanted them to in the past. I'm trying hard to become more charitable but it's very hard. I don't want to get hurt again.

What do you do to wrestle with this issue?

Is it hard to believe someone has changed?

  We just finished the 5th Sunday of Lent and we're heading towards what many Christian denominations refer to as "holy week." 

Lent is a time for reflection and preparation and I've been doing a lot of thinking about my personal life as well as my professional one. Let's face it, they're really supposed to fit together, aren't they?

Tonight's "evening prayer" scripture reading was John 9:18-41 where, after Jesus has given a man (who had been born blind) his site, the religious leaders still refused to believe that Jesus was sent from God. They had a hard time believing the man who regained his site was the same guy who had been blind his whole life! 

I think this reading relates to life in the office very well. We have a hard time believing that someone we know to be lazy or not good at their job suddenly started working hard or suddenly started performing well. It's like we can't believe what we're seeing, let alone what we're hearing.  

I can appreciate your being skeptical. I've often feel the same way. We've seen people perform a turnaround that hasn't lasted before. But as Christians, shouldn't we give the person the benefit of the doubt? Shouldn't we at least be happy that at that moment they performed well?

This is hard for us because of how the brain is wired. It only takes one time of anything for us to say "always" or "never". It's like the hot stove thing. It only takes touching a hot stove one time to learn our lesson and we don't touch it again. Whether the burner is red or not, we're always careful around the stove.

I think this issue gets to the very root of our faith. We ask God to forgive us and believe we're sorry for whatever sins we've committed. And He does.  Yet we humans find it hard to give someone another chance.

Just as I'm cautious around a hot stove, I'm certainly cautious around someone who's hurt me, or violated my trust, or who hasn't performed as I wanted them to in the past. I'm trying hard to become more charitable but it's very hard. I don't want to get hurt again.

What do you do to wrestle with this issue?

Is it hard to believe someone has changed?

  We just finished the 5th Sunday of Lent and we're heading towards what many Christian denominations refer to as "holy week." 

Lent is a time for reflection and preparation and I've been doing a lot of thinking about my personal life as well as my professional one. Let's face it, they're really supposed to fit together, aren't they?

Tonight's "evening prayer" scripture reading was John 9:18-41 where, after Jesus has given a man (who had been born blind) his site, the religious leaders still refused to believe that Jesus was sent from God. They had a hard time believing the man who regained his site was the same guy who had been blind his whole life! 

I think this reading relates to life in the office very well. We have a hard time believing that someone we know to be lazy or not good at their job suddenly started working hard or suddenly started performing well. It's like we can't believe what we're seeing, let alone what we're hearing.  

I can appreciate your being skeptical. I' often feel the same way. We've seen people perform a turnaround that hasn't lasted before. But as Christians, shouldn't we give the person the benefit of the doubt? Shouldn't we at least be happy that at that moment they performed well?

This is hard for us because of how the brain is wired. It only takes one time of anything for us to say "always" or "never". It's like the hot stove thing. It only takes touching a hot stove one time to learn our lesson and we don't touch it again. Whether the burner is red or not, we're always careful around the stove.

I think this issue gets to the very root of our faith. We ask God to forgive us and believe we're sorry for whatever sins we've committed. And He does.  Yet we humans find it hard to give someone another chance.

Just as I'm cautious around a hot stove, I'm certainly cautious around someone who's hurt me, or violated my trust, or who hasn't performed as I wanted them to in the past. I'm trying hard to become more charitable but it's very hard. I don't want to get hurt again.

What do you do to wrestle with this issue?

Wrestling with forgiveness

I last wrote about forgiveness. I tend to write often on that topic (in my newsletter and in this blog)...not because I know so much about it but because it's something I struggle with and I think Christians in general struggle with. I think it's one of the biggest challenges we face as people of faith.

I'm struggling with this right now.

There are people who are causing my husband a tremendous amount of stress and aggravation. He's worried sick.  The only way I can deal with this is to stay focused on my own work and limit the time I spent thinking about it.  When I DO think about it I can't think of anything nice about these people and how they're treating him.  I know as a Christian I need to forgive them for what they're doing. After all, Christ was able to forgive people who crucified him for Pete's sake.

I promised myself that today I would try to see this from the other people's point of view and that I'd try to imagine how they feel and without judging them. We're all facing challenges of our own and we deal with them in the best way we know how at that time. The people my husband's dealing with aren't sitting around thinking up ways to make him unhappy. They're doing the best they can with the information they have and with the responsibilities they have.  He's not the only thing on their mind.

The other thing I'm going to do is pray for understanding, patience, and and end to this problem. Of course I'd like all of that sooner rather than later : - )

What do you do to work your way to forgiveness of your neighbors at work?

Are you truly forgiving your coworkers?

My bishop has made a commitment to post to his blog every one of the 40 days of Lent. When I found that out I decided to make a commitment to read every one of his postings as my commitment to take something on rather than give something up for Lent.

His post today literally brought a tear to my eye. Here's the link to Bishop George Councell's blog post but I'm also pasting below what made me tear up:

Some years ago in a large city in the far West, rumors spread that a certain Catholic woman was having visions of Jesus. The reports reached the archbishop. He decided to check her out. There is always a fine line between the authentic mystic and the lunatic fringe.

“Is it true, m’am, that you have visions of Jesus?” asked the cleric.

“Yes,” the woman replied simply.

“Well, the next time you have a vision, I want you to ask Jesus to tell you the sins that I confessed in my last confession.”

The woman was stunned. “Did I hear you right, bishop? You actually want me to ask Jesus to tell me the sins of your past?”

“Exactly. Please call me if anything happens.”

Ten days later the woman notified her spiritual leader of a recent apparition. “Please come,” she said.

Within the hour the archbishop arrived. He trusted eye-to-eye contact. “You just told me on the telephone that you actually had a vision of Jesus. Did you do what I asked?”

“Yes, bishop. I asked Jesus to tell me the sins you confessed in your last confession.”

The bishop leaned forward with anticipation. His eyes narrowed. “What did Jesus say?”

She took his hand and gazed deep into is eyes. “Bishop,” she said, “these are his exact words: ‘I CAN’T REMEMBER.’”

Told by Brennan Manning in The Ragamuffin Gospel.

This was especially powerful for me because yesterday I got really mad at someone and today I was still mad. The person didn't intentionally do something to make me mad. He was just being human and being who he is. 

I know I need to be reminded that when God forgives our sins, He just forgives them. He doesn't hold it over our heads or throw it into our faces later.  He forgives them and we just move on.

I think our greatest challenge as people of faith is to really live our faith every single day. So when people at work piss you off do you genuinely forgive them? It can be hard to not get mad. Jesus never said "don't get mad." His charge to us is harder than that. It's to love our neighbors as ourselves.

I know I really need reminding of this.